Tag Archives: human

Dear Jennifer: Do Vampires Get Married?

Dear Jennifer,

I was talking to my friends, and we were wondering if vampires ever got married.

Teen Wonders

Dear Teen Wonders,

Simple answer:  Why yes, yes we do.

Complex answer: Because vampires live a much longer life than humans, we have a varying definition of marriage.  Sometimes, we create contracts that define how long a marriage will last, how all assets will be combined in the beginning, how all assets will be divided at the end, and what activities are allowed during the marriage.  The standard terms are 10 years, 25 years, 50 years, 75 years, and 100 years.  Anything over 100 years gets a different type of contract.

When a vampire marries a human, the general assumption is that the vampire will abide by the current human definition of marriage, with the exception of the “til death do you part”, since the vampire will not die.  If the vampire decides to change his or her mate into a vampire, there are even more rules and regulations that must be followed to ensure that the new vampire does not end up a slave.

Generally speaking, vampires do not marry each other for the rest of their lives.  There is a special ceremony for that, but you need to be prepared to stick with one and only one person.  Because we never, ever divorce.

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How To Become A Vampire: Candidate Requirements

Salutations,

My name is Sarah, secretary to the Vampire Kings and chief editor of the real world Vampire Handbook.  While the other members of our publishing team work to keep people informed on currently popular topics, I will translate and transcribe the original vampire handbook.

This first section describes how one goes from being merely human to a vampire.  The process entails several stages; the first one is becoming a candidate.  In the past, you needed to find a sponsor before continuing further.  But due to the recent changes in vampiric social status, you may contact me if  you think that you qualify.

Sincerely,

Sarah

Note:  If you are an approved candidate, use the key to decode the final requirement. (ebg13)

Requirements for Human Candidates:

  1. You must be free from normal societal responsibilities.  If you have a husband, wife, child or children, father, mother, or sibling who depend upon you for food and shelter, then you need to make arrangement for their care while you transition from a human to a vampire.
  2. You must be free from government obligations.  We will not accept your petition if you are attempting  to become a vampire in order to forego paying taxes or to shirk your civic duty.  We expect all candidates to pay a tithe to their master and to fulfill all oaths and pledges.
  3. You need a necessary skill or ability to offer to your sponsor.  The skill may be either cerebral or corporal; it matters not so long as you not only possess a skill but are willing to share it.
  4. Rirelguvat vf eryngvir.  Juvyr zrrgvat gur nobir erdhverzragf qbrf abg qrpernfr lbhe punapr ng orpbzvat n inzcver, arvgure qbrf vg ernyyl vapernfr lbhe punapr.  Gur bar gehr erdhverzrag vf gung lbh ner jvyy gb npxabjyrqtr naq borl lbhe znfgre, sebz svefg qrngu hagvy rvgure lbh rnea gur evtug gb orpbzr n znfgre lbhefrys be gehr qrngu.

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