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Christy’s Musings: What’s in a Name?

Right, I have received several emails asking me about my name.  Many hint around the question; many think that they are hinting though I must tell you that subtly it becoming a lost art; still others ask me outright – “How can your name be ‘Christy’? Isn’t that a bit modern for you?”

Ye, gods!  You almost sound like Juliet during the balcony scene:

What’s <Christy>? it is nor hand, nor foot,
Nor arm, nor face, nor any other part
Belonging to a man. O, be some other name!
What’s in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;

But more to the point, asking a vampire about her name under most circumstances equals asking to have either your tongue or head removed.

Luckily for you, this is not most circumstances.

Per the request of our Vampire Kings, I will instruct you about vampires and their names.

When a human becomes a vampire, they have the option to either retain their birth name, or get a new name immediately.  In my experience, about half choose the keep their old name and about half want a new one to symbolize their new life.

After a hundred years or so, every vampire feels the need to remove themselves from their past.  Usually, this need arises from the fact that we are all basically human and we make stupid mistakes during the beginning of our life as a vampire.  I mean, no one wants to be known as Lola, the girl who accidentally ate the local duke and caused a riot against vampires.

Unlike humans, we change our names due to either circumstances, major alterations in our life affairs, or sheer boredom.  Some vampires I know have a schedule which plots out all of their name changes for the next thousand years.  A few keep the same name through every occasion, harping ad naseum about their devotion and fealty as demonstrated in their consistency with names.  Most of us, though, cherish our names and change them only upon some external impetus.

As for my current name,  I assure you that “Christy” was not the name under which I entered this world.   But during World War 2, I wished to make a statement about my beliefs.  So, Christy I became and Christy I will be until I choose otherwise.

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Christy’s Musings

Ye, gods!  I find it difficult to concentrate on creating this handbook when every time I turn around I feel pounded by all the political crap that you humans generate every time you elect a new president.  Or a new senator.  Or new toy.  Or new dish soap.

I understand the lure of the Internet to spread your ideas, opinions, thoughts, and beliefs .  Am I not contributing to a handbook about vampires?  But this ability to inundate the world needs to be tempered with the knowledge to restrain yourself as well.

Did Shakespeare not say, “Methinks the lady protests too much”?

Well, that is how I view the people who carry on, interjecting themselves into every conversation regardless of the relevance of their input.  If you truly believe something, state it once in your own blog, and then Move. On.

I learned that we vampires have something in common with most geeks?  I think that is what you call people who are knowledgeable about the Internet and its social protocols.  We both call people with these issues the same epithet – trolls.

Of course, I personally met a few real troll in my time.  Nasty creatures, honestly, and so smelly that I burned my clothes afterwards.  Like today’s trolls, those trolls followed people around, complaining about the weather, the daytime, the nighttime, anything that would annoy people into throwing food, clothing, even coins at the trolls.  If the offering passed the test, the trolls left, bound to another area to bother other people.

I enjoyed hunting and killing trolls.

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Introduction by Christy (transcribed by Jennifer)

Hello, My Name is Christy, and I’m a vampire.

No, I’m not joking.  You are at The Vampire’s Handbook, right?  

Anyway…  I lost the toss, so I get to write the introduction to this book or website or whatever this is.  I’m not from this century, so forgive me if I get the terms wrong occasionally.

Why a handbook?  Well, since vampires came out to the world, it seemed silly to pretend we don’t exist.  Plus, newbie vampires have way too many questions.  

  • “How often do I have to eat?”   (From daily to once a month, depending on your age and strength.)
  • “Can I eat animal blood instead of human blood?”  (Eww – what would you drink from?  Rats?)
  • “Can I still… you know… since I’m technically dead?” (Yes, but I’m not going into any more details.  You need to figure some things out on your own.)

Seriously, I have neither the time nor the patience to deal with the pestering.

Luckily, Gregory always love to answer questions, especially from the ladies.  Starting next week, he will answer any question that you send in.  Just write, um, email him.  No, I don’t know how to email him.  But I’m positive he’ll let you know himself.

Now, where was I?  Oh, yes, the Introduction.

Vampires are a bunch of poor lost souls, infected with a nasty disease that makes us have some peculiarities about us.  

Right.  Even I can’t sell that load of crap with a straight face.

Listen, there are a ton of stories within the vampire community as to how or why we exist.  The honest truth is that we ourselves do not know where we started, only that we are here.  I can tell you my favorite creation story involves Adam, Eve, Cain, Abel, and a lot of blood.

But I am forgetting myself again.  You want to read an introduction, right?

The Vampire’s Handbook is an invitation and a guide, all wrapped together with a pretty bow.  We want people to feel comfortable around vampires, though we will be here regardless of your comfort.  We want to answer your questions, arrange meetings and interviews, and all in all help humans and vampires get along better.

At least, that’s the party line.

Now, I need to get something to drink.  Type this out for me, Jennifer, and do whatever magic you need to do to put it on our website.

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